Many people like to take photos. Although, I am the person who don’t like to take the photo. I still want to say that invention of the camera is great. As far as I concerned, I think taking pictures is a good way to keep the memory. What’s more, it can be a way to record our life.
With the advancement of technology, the function of camera is more convenient. For example, when we use the digital camera to take the picture, we can see the picture immediately. On the other hand, if we use the traditional camera to take the picture, then we have to develop films. Besides, as a proverb goes: The camera never lies. However, with the technique of computer is improving, people can modify their pictures. For example, if someone is too fat, then he or she can just modify their figure by the computer. So, I think that goes doesn’t work nowadays. Moreover, there are some people that use the fake photo to lie others on the Internet.
To sum up, taking pictures is a good hobby. And with the camcera’s function is better, it also take us more convenient. However, some people just use them to cheat everybody. And I think that is no good!!!
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ReplyDeleteHi Grace,
ReplyDeleteGood writing. A lot of good thoughts are put together.
Yet, still, I found some mistakes for you to revise.
1. Although, I am the person who don’t like to take the photo. I still want to say that invention of the camera is great. 這兩句要合成一句；Although後為什麼要逗號?
2. As far as I concerned, I think taking pictures is a good way to keep the memory. What’s more, it can be a way to record our life.
這兩段要合起來
With the advancement of technology, the function of camera is more convenient. For example, when we use the digital camera to take the picture, we can see the picture immediately. On the other hand, if we use the traditional camera to take the picture, then we have to develop films.
3. 從Besides開始另陳一段，但是besides的意思不適合當這裏的linking，請改掉
4. On the other hand, if we use the traditional camera to take the picture, then we have to develop films. 這裡的on the other hand不夠形成對比，請改成Nevertheless或Nonetheless,
5. Besides, as a proverb goes: The camera never lies.
記得行成新的一段並把besides改掉
6. However, with the technique of computer is improving, people can modify their pictures.
第一、with...is improving不能這樣用，修改 (ask me if you don't know how to)
第二、把technique of computer改成 computer technology
7. So, I think that goes doesn’t work nowadays.
不是goes是saying
8. Moreover, there are some people that use the fake photo to lie others on the Internet.
lie是不及物動詞，少了介系詞
9. To sum up, taking pictures is a good hobby.
這個句子因為hobby這個字的意思，使得整句跟本文完全沒關係
10. And with the camcera’s function is better, it also take us more convenient.
第一、with接名詞或名詞子句，不接句子
第二、take動詞形式有問題，而這裏也不該用take